Not much time to talk now, but our plane landed in Madrid at about 10am here. We hopped on a bus and wandered around downtown Madrid for a while before a very nice cab driver pointed us in the right direction of the CEA office. (we were totally going the wrong way.) The plane ride was awesome, though it was an adventure all in itself that I will tell you more about later. It involved our row being the only row whose movie screens didn't work, and my neighbor's reading light being stuck on all night. However, that same neighbor was the same woman I talked to for about 6 hours about faith, Jesus, and what she thinks Spain needs most. So great. And I walked away with an invitation to visit her and her husband in Galicia for Thanksgiving. Perfecto. Ahora? Walking around Madrid for a while before we head to our first couchsurfer's place... then onto the train for two weeks!
Hasta Luego,
Ally
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Ready, Set, Go
My one bag, Graham's three, are all packed and sitting at the top of the stairs. We are leaving for the airport at three, getting some dinner with the family, and then boarding and leaving the country at 6:55 pm. We have a non-stop, 9 hour flight, and a six hour time difference. We will be landing in Madrid at 10 am their time. And then the real adventure begins: two weeks, six countries, and more trains than I could possibly count.
Yikes. I'm a little nervous, very excited, and very very tired (thank you, root canal.) My world view is about the change, as almost everything about me is about to change. For the better, I hope. I'll keep y'all as updated as I can, but I can't make any promises. I am certain I'll have many stories to tell you over coffee when I get back. Until then...
I love you all and miss you already!
Abrazos de España,
Ally
Yikes. I'm a little nervous, very excited, and very very tired (thank you, root canal.) My world view is about the change, as almost everything about me is about to change. For the better, I hope. I'll keep y'all as updated as I can, but I can't make any promises. I am certain I'll have many stories to tell you over coffee when I get back. Until then...
I love you all and miss you already!
Abrazos de España,
Ally
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Graham the Pack Rat
I have another post that I'm going to put up in a few days, but until then...
I just arrived in Atlanta. I flew in this morning and was picked up from the airport by Graham's parents, went to lunch, and am now hanging out at Graham's house, waiting for him to get back from Nashville. Which, somehow, he managed to take an accidental detour to Birmingham, Alabama. If you don't realize how ridiculous that is, glance at a map. So, he's going to be a few hours late. No worries. In the mean time, I have been chatting with his mother about life, faith, Jesus, Europe, God's plan in our adventures abroad... And how much stuff Graham is attempting to bring to Europe.
When I got off the plane, they were incredulous that I only had one backpack and one duffel bag. Over lunch, I learned that Graham is checking two 50 lb bags and carrying on a backpack. Upon further investigation, I found out that he wants to bring two pairs of climbing shoes (one of which he totally stole from the Beaman,) three heavy winter coats, two pairs of the EXACT same shoe, and the ugliest furry hat I have ever seen. And this is only what I can tell without actually pulling all his stuff out of the bags.
Totally unnecessary.
I will be re-packing for Graham tomorrow.
I just arrived in Atlanta. I flew in this morning and was picked up from the airport by Graham's parents, went to lunch, and am now hanging out at Graham's house, waiting for him to get back from Nashville. Which, somehow, he managed to take an accidental detour to Birmingham, Alabama. If you don't realize how ridiculous that is, glance at a map. So, he's going to be a few hours late. No worries. In the mean time, I have been chatting with his mother about life, faith, Jesus, Europe, God's plan in our adventures abroad... And how much stuff Graham is attempting to bring to Europe.
When I got off the plane, they were incredulous that I only had one backpack and one duffel bag. Over lunch, I learned that Graham is checking two 50 lb bags and carrying on a backpack. Upon further investigation, I found out that he wants to bring two pairs of climbing shoes (one of which he totally stole from the Beaman,) three heavy winter coats, two pairs of the EXACT same shoe, and the ugliest furry hat I have ever seen. And this is only what I can tell without actually pulling all his stuff out of the bags.
Totally unnecessary.
I will be re-packing for Graham tomorrow.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Embracing Weakness
Apparently, on this date last year, I wrote "Feigning constant strength is weakness at its best." (Thanks, Facebook, and your random facts.) Background: The phrase was prompted by my first visit to the therapist I saw for a few months, who was really good at making me realize just how weak I really am. It sounds terrible, but if you know me, you know that that is exactly what I need.
Strength has been a constant theme in my life over the last year. From my therapist, to my handful of friends who have picked up the habit of reminding me that I am often too strong, to Facebook randomly popping up, it seems like at every turn I am being reminded of the irony of my life: strength is often my weakness.
A huge part of my summer was learning how to be weak. How to admit when I need help, prayers, a good shoulder to cry on. Anything. How to admit that everything isn't fine all the time, and that falling apart is okay. I called my best friend (a lot) this summer, often mid-sob, because I needed her to tell me that I wasn't crazy simply because my heart was breaking for pain that wasn't my own.
But more than learning how to quit being "too strong for my own good," (which is still very much a process) I have begun asking why I am that way. Why is my heart so inclined to be self-sufficient? To never need anyone, never be weak, never be broken. If you know my story, none of these habits are really that surprising. Oh, but it is so much more than that. I could blame it all on external things, but if I am truly honest, the majority of this problem has nothing to do with my story. It has to do with what I worship.
So, what is it that I am chasing? Where am I refusing to rest in the Lord, that causes me to want to be strong all the time? In other words, what am I worshiping besides God?
It is sad that as soon as I thought about that question, it took me less than ten seconds to answer it: control. I idolize control. I like to be in control. And when I'm not, it is generally because I choose not to be, which is still being in control. I have trouble sharing it, and I often chase it without realizing I am doing so.
Oh, how God is wreaking havoc on this idol of mine. He has not only put people in my life who manage to push through my feigned strength (even when I hate them for it,) but he has given me a heart that is content enough with being vulnerable that, for the first time in my life, I am able to really feel for both myself and others. But he hasn't stopped there.
Today, I packed all of my belongings for an entire semester into one 47 lb bag and one 26 liter backpack. And I have no idea where I am really going this semester. Or after. And I don't care. I have quit searching for an answer. For the first time in my life, I'm not trying to figure it out. I am content to take my backpack and go wherever, whenever the Lord calls me.
And it's funny because, just as I reached this conclusion, I reached another. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be my teeth. I hate them. They are beautiful and perfectly straight, but that's about it. They are soft as can be. Meaning, I brush my teeth twice a day, floss once a day, use flouride toothpaste and mouth rinse and EVERYTHING ever made to strengthen your teeth, and I STILL have cavities. Last time I went to the dentist, I had five. One turned into a crown, which then turned into a root canal yesterday.
I cry every time I go into the dentist. Almost beyond consolation. Because I put so much effort into caring for my teeth, and it makes no difference. No fruit comes from it. While others put no effort into caring for their teeth, and they have never had a cavity. I don't understand.
I realized that this is a kind of strength that I'll never be able to feign. I can't create it, I can't control it. There is only so much I can do, and the rest of it I just have to trust the Lord that he has some kind of plan in it. Yesterday, I was sitting in the dentist's office, and I finally quit praying about my teeth. (Not that that is a bad thing at all, but I was missing the point.) I gave up trying to make the Lord fix it. Instead, I prayed that my heart would be obedient, and that if he wants to give me a mouth full of fillings and porcelain, despite all my hard work otherwise... Well, he must have a good reason for that. There is something perfect about that. And it is beyond my control.
It seems that he has been working on this idol of mine for a long time. Before I knew it was there. Before I even wanted to let it go. Before I even really knew who God was...What an amazing God we have.
I'll keep you updated on how he continues to break down this oh-so-nasty idol of mine, because I am certain he will.
He's working on yours too, though. So at least we are in good company.
Strength has been a constant theme in my life over the last year. From my therapist, to my handful of friends who have picked up the habit of reminding me that I am often too strong, to Facebook randomly popping up, it seems like at every turn I am being reminded of the irony of my life: strength is often my weakness.
A huge part of my summer was learning how to be weak. How to admit when I need help, prayers, a good shoulder to cry on. Anything. How to admit that everything isn't fine all the time, and that falling apart is okay. I called my best friend (a lot) this summer, often mid-sob, because I needed her to tell me that I wasn't crazy simply because my heart was breaking for pain that wasn't my own.
But more than learning how to quit being "too strong for my own good," (which is still very much a process) I have begun asking why I am that way. Why is my heart so inclined to be self-sufficient? To never need anyone, never be weak, never be broken. If you know my story, none of these habits are really that surprising. Oh, but it is so much more than that. I could blame it all on external things, but if I am truly honest, the majority of this problem has nothing to do with my story. It has to do with what I worship.
So, what is it that I am chasing? Where am I refusing to rest in the Lord, that causes me to want to be strong all the time? In other words, what am I worshiping besides God?
It is sad that as soon as I thought about that question, it took me less than ten seconds to answer it: control. I idolize control. I like to be in control. And when I'm not, it is generally because I choose not to be, which is still being in control. I have trouble sharing it, and I often chase it without realizing I am doing so.
Oh, how God is wreaking havoc on this idol of mine. He has not only put people in my life who manage to push through my feigned strength (even when I hate them for it,) but he has given me a heart that is content enough with being vulnerable that, for the first time in my life, I am able to really feel for both myself and others. But he hasn't stopped there.
Today, I packed all of my belongings for an entire semester into one 47 lb bag and one 26 liter backpack. And I have no idea where I am really going this semester. Or after. And I don't care. I have quit searching for an answer. For the first time in my life, I'm not trying to figure it out. I am content to take my backpack and go wherever, whenever the Lord calls me.
And it's funny because, just as I reached this conclusion, I reached another. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be my teeth. I hate them. They are beautiful and perfectly straight, but that's about it. They are soft as can be. Meaning, I brush my teeth twice a day, floss once a day, use flouride toothpaste and mouth rinse and EVERYTHING ever made to strengthen your teeth, and I STILL have cavities. Last time I went to the dentist, I had five. One turned into a crown, which then turned into a root canal yesterday.
I cry every time I go into the dentist. Almost beyond consolation. Because I put so much effort into caring for my teeth, and it makes no difference. No fruit comes from it. While others put no effort into caring for their teeth, and they have never had a cavity. I don't understand.
I realized that this is a kind of strength that I'll never be able to feign. I can't create it, I can't control it. There is only so much I can do, and the rest of it I just have to trust the Lord that he has some kind of plan in it. Yesterday, I was sitting in the dentist's office, and I finally quit praying about my teeth. (Not that that is a bad thing at all, but I was missing the point.) I gave up trying to make the Lord fix it. Instead, I prayed that my heart would be obedient, and that if he wants to give me a mouth full of fillings and porcelain, despite all my hard work otherwise... Well, he must have a good reason for that. There is something perfect about that. And it is beyond my control.
It seems that he has been working on this idol of mine for a long time. Before I knew it was there. Before I even wanted to let it go. Before I even really knew who God was...What an amazing God we have.
I'll keep you updated on how he continues to break down this oh-so-nasty idol of mine, because I am certain he will.
He's working on yours too, though. So at least we are in good company.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Fairy Tale Places
In 22 days, I leave for Europe. Is that even real? August 30th, at 6:55 pm, I will be leaving the country for a semester.
109 days of studying, Spanish language, country-hopping, and general adventure. Yes, please!
For two weeks before school starts, we are traveling via train (and couch surfing) all the way around Europe. Want to know where we are going? (Assuming Graham didn't mess up the train routes? You can bet I'll be double checking them. However, getting lost in Europe might be kind of fun...) We start in Madrid, and then...
1. Perpignan, France. Why? Apparently there is climbing there, because there seems to be no other reason to go. It is in the south of France, as has apparently been deemed a "dirty, ugly town." I am voting against this stop on our trip. I vote Marseilles. However, Graham's reasoning is that it is on the way to our next stop, and is about the only town between Madrid and stop number two. There does seem to be a nice beach there, though...
2. Geneva, Switzerland. Located on the coast of Europe's largest alpine lake, it is gorgeous. Known for chocolate, jewelry, and basically everything luxurious.
3. Innsbruck, Austria. A wonderful mix of medieval and urban :)
4. Plitvice Lakes, Croatia. Yep. That's a real place.
5. Venice, Italy. Need I say more?
6. Ventamiglia, Italy. Another random stop on the way. Looks pretty enough, though. Couldn't find much else on this city. A day at the beach sounds good to me!
7. Barcelona, Spain. Artsy and fun, I am probably looking forward to this city the most, in regards to cities in Spain.
I finish camp on Sunday. In 6 days. And then? A crazy roadtrip with Getta in which I have to see friends, pack, re-pack, run errands, and get myself from Black Mountain, NC to Chicago, IL and back to STL. In the span of 14 days. I feel like I am going from one whirlwind to another. I am so excited. :)
And I feel like my wallet is about to get a whole lot lighter...
109 days of studying, Spanish language, country-hopping, and general adventure. Yes, please!
For two weeks before school starts, we are traveling via train (and couch surfing) all the way around Europe. Want to know where we are going? (Assuming Graham didn't mess up the train routes? You can bet I'll be double checking them. However, getting lost in Europe might be kind of fun...) We start in Madrid, and then...
1. Perpignan, France. Why? Apparently there is climbing there, because there seems to be no other reason to go. It is in the south of France, as has apparently been deemed a "dirty, ugly town." I am voting against this stop on our trip. I vote Marseilles. However, Graham's reasoning is that it is on the way to our next stop, and is about the only town between Madrid and stop number two. There does seem to be a nice beach there, though...
2. Geneva, Switzerland. Located on the coast of Europe's largest alpine lake, it is gorgeous. Known for chocolate, jewelry, and basically everything luxurious.
3. Innsbruck, Austria. A wonderful mix of medieval and urban :)
4. Plitvice Lakes, Croatia. Yep. That's a real place.
5. Venice, Italy. Need I say more?
6. Ventamiglia, Italy. Another random stop on the way. Looks pretty enough, though. Couldn't find much else on this city. A day at the beach sounds good to me!
7. Barcelona, Spain. Artsy and fun, I am probably looking forward to this city the most, in regards to cities in Spain.
I finish camp on Sunday. In 6 days. And then? A crazy roadtrip with Getta in which I have to see friends, pack, re-pack, run errands, and get myself from Black Mountain, NC to Chicago, IL and back to STL. In the span of 14 days. I feel like I am going from one whirlwind to another. I am so excited. :)
And I feel like my wallet is about to get a whole lot lighter...
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Missing the Sound
The last few weeks have been hard for a few specific reasons:
Over the last few weeks, I have slowly sunk into an almost completely different person. Even my very favorite people, even on my days off, I found myself snapping at them and generally being very quiet. I was feeling almost heartbroken. And I could not for the life of me figure out why that was.
Why did my heart ache? Why did I feel so close to tears for seemingly no reason? Why did it almost feel like I had lost a loved one?
Oh. Because I kind of did.
Have you ever been gone for a really long time without getting to talk to your best friend? Have you ever found yourself missing the sound of their voice? Have you ever found yourself close to tears at the very thought of getting to hear them speak?
I had been so caught up in camp that I had forgotten the most important part of loving Jesus: listening. I realized that my heart felt so broken because I was missing something that I need more than air itself: the sound of my God's voice.
Can you hear it?
- I am an extroverted person, I love people. However, I am literally around people 24/7. I have not had any time or space to be the deep thinker that I am.
- I am horribly burnt out on teaching climbing class, which I do 4 times a day, six days a week. I did the math. I have taught the figure 8 follow through more than 1,000 times. Woof.
- I have utterly failed at having quiet time. Again, no space, no time. Waking up early? Not going to happen when I am this tired. So? I am sorry to admit that it doesn't usually happen.
Over the last few weeks, I have slowly sunk into an almost completely different person. Even my very favorite people, even on my days off, I found myself snapping at them and generally being very quiet. I was feeling almost heartbroken. And I could not for the life of me figure out why that was.
Why did my heart ache? Why did I feel so close to tears for seemingly no reason? Why did it almost feel like I had lost a loved one?
Oh. Because I kind of did.
Have you ever been gone for a really long time without getting to talk to your best friend? Have you ever found yourself missing the sound of their voice? Have you ever found yourself close to tears at the very thought of getting to hear them speak?
I had been so caught up in camp that I had forgotten the most important part of loving Jesus: listening. I realized that my heart felt so broken because I was missing something that I need more than air itself: the sound of my God's voice.
Can you hear it?
Monday, August 1, 2011
Dear Ally
Dear Ally,
It has been a long time since we saw each other. I haven't seen your face in so long, I am beginning to forget what you look like. I don't understand. We used to spend all our time together, and now? Now I only see you once a week. Did I do something wrong? Please tell me if I did. I miss you.
You have kept me in the dark for two months, and I am beginning to wonder if you still feel the same way. You left for camp and now I never hear from you, never see you. Did you find someone else? If so, I'll do my best to move on. But I thought we were going to be together forever. Was I wrong?
Yours Always,
Your Tattoo
It has been a long time since we saw each other. I haven't seen your face in so long, I am beginning to forget what you look like. I don't understand. We used to spend all our time together, and now? Now I only see you once a week. Did I do something wrong? Please tell me if I did. I miss you.
You have kept me in the dark for two months, and I am beginning to wonder if you still feel the same way. You left for camp and now I never hear from you, never see you. Did you find someone else? If so, I'll do my best to move on. But I thought we were going to be together forever. Was I wrong?
Yours Always,
Your Tattoo
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