Let me just give you the run-down on my life at the moment...
1. I have 23 fourteen year old girls to chase after. All day, every day.
2. Yesterday, one of my girls took a dirty rag, in the middle of dinner, and wrung it out over another girls head... Really? How old are you?
3. It is two weeks into camp, and I just now got a master key. Before today, I was completely unable to open the climbing closet, which houses all the harnesses and helmets that I need to teach class every day.
4. I have learned that I love teaching climbing. And pretty much all outdoor things.
5. I have also learned that I very much dislike sassiness, and do not tolerate it.
6. I have also learned that I only like teaching people who are really interested in learning.
7. I am so very, very tired.
8. Bed time is ten, but a girl found a bug next to her bed and freaked out and my entire cabin was up until 10:45. I was the only counselor in the cabin, trying to quiet twenty three girls. The next morning, the counselors from across the road told me they couldn't sleep because we were so loud. Fail.
9. There are moments when I believe I am the worst camp counselor ever.
10. I have a new outdoor hobby: kayaking. More on this later.
11. The hardest part of camp (for me) is finding quiet time. Time to read my bible and re-charge so that I can love my girls well. I am still struggling to find a balance in that.
12. There are things about this camp that I absolutely love. There are also things about camp that just make me miss Young Life, and the way that they do camp.
13. Staff worship tonight!!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Be Careful
The brokenness of relationships has been heavy on my heart over the last few months. How the line between friendship and relationship becomes so blurred that we rarely know which side of the line we stand on. And we rarely find ourselves standing on the same side of the line as our counterpart.
Why is that? Why is it so incredibly complicated? It was never meant to be.
Adam and Eve? In the presence of God, they never questioned their relationship. Because it was God that brought them together, not their own selfish desires. They didn't have to play this game of cat-and-mouse that we seem to be so fond of these days. There were no games, no questions, no doubts, no hurt. It was only when sin entered the world that the lines of their relationship began to blur.
Both men and women are to blame here. Both share some of the guilt.
Women are guilty of chasing after men. We are so desperate for a husband, this person that we believe we need in order to live a successful life, that we refuse to trust the Lord to bring him to us. We do not trust that God has it under control, so we take it upon ourselves to chase them down in any way that we can. We chase men before God, and then wonder why we get our hearts broken. We often hear the phrase "guard your hearts," but no one has ever taught us what that really means or how you do that. So we pursue them, and settle for the best we can find.
I am by no means letting us women off the hook. You'll hear more about that later. But based on the events of the last few weeks, I feel drawn to challenging my brothers in Christ with a few thoughts on their roles in this.
Some of the ways that we women are most vulnerable are in words, touch, quality time and gifts. Our hearts are often tied closely to these things, and we read into everything. Everything. Be careful here, men. I'll say it again.
Be careful.
Kind words, hugs, one-on-one time and thoughtful gifts are wonderful things. And friends certainly can exchange these things. But once you begin to pile two or three of these things on top of each other? Ah, then we have a problem. If you constantly say nice things, are constantly flirty, and are very touchy-feely? We are going to think you're pursuing us. And when it turns out that you're not pursuing us? That you treat every girl like that, and we really aren't special at all? It hurts, men. More than you know.
Often, you have no idea that you're doing it. I challenge you to be aware of the hearts of your sisters, and how your actions either harm or protect us. Because there is no in between. Every action either protects us and builds us up, or painfully tears us down.
Think about the way you treat your female friends on a daily basis.
Would that change the way you love us as sisters?
Do you chase us, say nice things to us, give us gifts or spend time with us because you're trying to get something from us? Whether it be approval or a relationship or something like that? Do you chase us because you think we are beautiful or fun?
Are you acting out of your own desires, or God's? The only time you should give a girl reason to believe you are pursuing her is because God told you to pursue her. Not because you want to, because you think she is pretty or fun.
I want you (both men and women) to think about your actions. We are both in the wrong here. Why do you do the things you do? Are you protecting or harming each other?
There is no in between.
Be careful.
Why is that? Why is it so incredibly complicated? It was never meant to be.
Adam and Eve? In the presence of God, they never questioned their relationship. Because it was God that brought them together, not their own selfish desires. They didn't have to play this game of cat-and-mouse that we seem to be so fond of these days. There were no games, no questions, no doubts, no hurt. It was only when sin entered the world that the lines of their relationship began to blur.
Both men and women are to blame here. Both share some of the guilt.
Women are guilty of chasing after men. We are so desperate for a husband, this person that we believe we need in order to live a successful life, that we refuse to trust the Lord to bring him to us. We do not trust that God has it under control, so we take it upon ourselves to chase them down in any way that we can. We chase men before God, and then wonder why we get our hearts broken. We often hear the phrase "guard your hearts," but no one has ever taught us what that really means or how you do that. So we pursue them, and settle for the best we can find.
I am by no means letting us women off the hook. You'll hear more about that later. But based on the events of the last few weeks, I feel drawn to challenging my brothers in Christ with a few thoughts on their roles in this.
Some of the ways that we women are most vulnerable are in words, touch, quality time and gifts. Our hearts are often tied closely to these things, and we read into everything. Everything. Be careful here, men. I'll say it again.
Be careful.
Kind words, hugs, one-on-one time and thoughtful gifts are wonderful things. And friends certainly can exchange these things. But once you begin to pile two or three of these things on top of each other? Ah, then we have a problem. If you constantly say nice things, are constantly flirty, and are very touchy-feely? We are going to think you're pursuing us. And when it turns out that you're not pursuing us? That you treat every girl like that, and we really aren't special at all? It hurts, men. More than you know.
Often, you have no idea that you're doing it. I challenge you to be aware of the hearts of your sisters, and how your actions either harm or protect us. Because there is no in between. Every action either protects us and builds us up, or painfully tears us down.
Think about the way you treat your female friends on a daily basis.
- Would you still act the same if you knew that your actions could be leading us away from God?
- Would it change anything if you knew that carelessness in this matter often causes us a great deal of pain?
- What about the fact that that girl you so carelessly flirt with will, someday, be someone's wife?
Would that change the way you love us as sisters?
Do you chase us, say nice things to us, give us gifts or spend time with us because you're trying to get something from us? Whether it be approval or a relationship or something like that? Do you chase us because you think we are beautiful or fun?
Are you acting out of your own desires, or God's? The only time you should give a girl reason to believe you are pursuing her is because God told you to pursue her. Not because you want to, because you think she is pretty or fun.
I want you (both men and women) to think about your actions. We are both in the wrong here. Why do you do the things you do? Are you protecting or harming each other?
There is no in between.
Be careful.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Roll, Kayak
Here is the basic layout of my last few days:
Tuesday: paid $800 for dental work that has left me with a constant toothache, drove to Asheville, NC for camp, and upon arriving got immediately whisked away to get ice cream at the Blue Cone and dinner at BWW.
Wednesday: slept in, met more people, sat on the dock all day with the climbing staff, learning how to set anchors and tie bowlines.
Thursday: Left at the crack of dawn for Table Rock, and spent the day at Yellow Wall, learning how to set anchors, do rope rescues, and rappel from above your masterpoint. Came home, missed dinner, and went out to BWW again.
Friday: Left at the crack of dawn again for Table Rock, this time at Devil's Cellar. Spent the day learning to set anchors, do releasable rappels, and how to be professional guides. Missed dinner again, and went to Mellow Mushroom for a ten o'clock dinner.
Saturday: Slept in, went for a long trail run (which turned into a hike for a while because the trail was so steep) took a nap, went to town for coffee at The Drip, made some phone calls to friends, and then went to bed early.
Sunday: Up at the crack of dawn, had breakfast, went to church, rode ponies, and then learned how to roll a kayak. And by learn I mean I managed to get it once and then couldn't do it again before we got stormed out of the lake. Went back to town for coffee, and spent the evening on the porch in a rocking chair, having great conversation with friends.
There have already been some ups and downs. I have been exhausted, crabby and quiet up until this afternoon because I haven't been able to eat anything. I can't have a lot of the food they make in the dining hall, and the staff haven't quite gotten down what I can and can't have. So, for the last few days, I've been going hungry. Not good. I also have been having trouble finding a quiet place to do my quiet time in the mornings. Also not good. I also felt like everyone around me was expecting me to know more about climbing than I really do.
All of those things together made for a really hard few days. I was hungry, exhausted, and self-conscious. I had absolutely no peace, because I was defining my worth by my performance, which wasn't very good. I called a few friends, just needing some encouragement and to be reminded that God is good and faithful. And you know what? He was.
This morning was tough, but I got to eat lunch (yay!) and play in the lake with some friends. I got down a few basics about rolling a kayak, and conquered a bit of my fear about being underwater like that....(I wouldn't have been half as hesitant if I didn't get water up my nose every time I tried.) I went to church and worshiped my heart out, and spent the rest of the evening drinking coffee/tea, sitting in a rocking chair on the porch and talking to an awesome pair of girls about life and God and everything in between.
I am a mess, but God is good and for some odd reason chooses to do good things through me. I like this.
Tomorrow, more staff come and we start staff week (last week was special training for climbers, riders, and kayakers) and then campers come next Sunday.... This is about to get crazy.
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