Waiting for Boaz

I have started and re-started this post eight times now. It is something that has been very close to my heart for the last year or so, but has been ever more so over the last few weeks. I am struggling to put something I care about so passionately into one concise thought. Bear with me.

The story of Ruth is one of my favorites in the Old Testament. If you don't know it, go read it. It's short. (For the sake of time and sanity, I won't summarize it right now.) Ever since I first read that story, the phrase "waiting for Boaz," has been in my head. The truth of that phrase has humbled me over the last few months as I have learned exactly what that means.

Boaz was a lover, a fighter, a servant and a king. He exemplified the most important qualities of God, and put God above all else. And he put Ruth second only to God himself. And, most importantly, he pursued and fought for Ruth when she needed him most. And God has been encouraging me to set biblical standards for men, and to set them HIGH. Because the standard by which they live their lives should be high. Certainly much higher than most of them realize. And, sadly, much higher than the standard by which most women measure them. Culture, plus a lack of feminine leadership, has led to a heartbreaking habit that we women have of settling.

It begins, most often, because we are uncomfortable in singleness. We are designed to want someone, to want love and relationship and a companion. Wanting those things is good. Chasing after them like a dog after a car is NOT. And yet, we do it every day. What we don't realize is that any love, any embrace, any companionship we may get from even the best of men pales in comparison to the love and friendship we get from Christ. The thought of spending your life loving no other man than Christ himself should be honoring, cause for joy, not cause for despair. And yet that is exactly how most women feel at that possibility.

Thus, not only do we look Christ in the eye and say "give me someone to love," but we do not even measure that someone by the standards Christ set for them. For us. Did you know that relationship is not meant to be FOR us? It isn't about us. A husband is not promised to you. You are not entitled, and it isn't for or about you at all. It's about God, and two people bringing more glory to God together than they did apart. Our joy is an overflow from that, but it is not the purpose nor should it be the goal.

We settle for men who live up to the cultural standard. We expect them to be passive and selfish, because we are taught that that is just the way they are. We, as women, are taught that it is okay to chase them, because if we don't chase them, how will they know we are interested in them? We are impatient and don't trust God's timing, not to mention selfish and proud, so we chase them. We settle for just anyone, because we are afraid that our standards are too high (if we have any at all) and we are afraid that if we let the 'good' man go, we will never find a great one. And good is better than nothing.

Ladies, it's not. Good is not acceptable. Good is not good enough. God did not design your precious, beautiful, valuable heart just so you could throw it to someone who is just okay.

Set your standards. And then set them higher. God will not only cross your path with the man who meets those standards, he will put in that man's heart the desire and willingness to pursue you. He will bring you your Boaz. In the meantime, we are to pursue Christ with all that we are so that we may become the kind of woman that man will be proud to love. We keep trying to write our own mediocre stories, when God is trying to write us something more beautiful than we could possibly imagine.

Let him write your story.

Don't settle for a man who makes you chase him. Don't settle for a man who isn't pursuing a wife. (it doesn't have to certainly be you, but if that's not what he's after, he has no business pursuing anyone.) Don't settle for a man who isn't intentional and consistent. Don't settle for a man who cannot lead you to know Christ better.

These are the most basic of basics. The rest of your standards should build from these, but those look different for everyone. You should have specific, set standards. Don't measure entirely by the men you're surrounded by. Measure by the Creator of men. They will all fall short. But, eventually, one will come along who falls less short than the rest.

You'll know it when he chases you to the ends of the earth and back.

Make Christ your goal, God the one you chase after with all that you are.

Let Christ define your Boaz, and don't settle for anything less.

And if no man ever comes along, if God never calls you to marriage, then you get the honor of spending your life loving no man but Christ. Which is an incredible blessing, whether you believe it right now or not.