Culture Shock

So, there is this thing called reverse culture shock.

And I'm in the middle of it.

It's the realization that life has been continuing here like it always has. Just as I remembered it while I was gone. Nothing really has changed, aside from a few faces and a handful of friends who are no longer here.

But, you see, I am not who I was. Everything around me is the same... except for me. My heart is different. The way I look at the world around me is different. The way I love the people around me is different. Everything around me is the same, like I never left, but I'm not the same girl.

And I don't know what to do with that. Because I have this new heart, I just don't know what to do with it. I haven't yet figured out how to translate this heart into action. This leaves me feeling frustrated, because I am not the girl I was, but I still act like her because I don't know how to be any different. If that makes any sense at all.

And everyone keeps asking me how my semester was... It keeps leading to a lot of awkward conversations on my end. I apologize if you've been on the receiving end of any of those... It's just so hard for me to sum up everything that happened over the last few months. There is too much to tell. I want so badly to share the amazing things that God showed me, did for me, did through me... But I just can't. I could talk for days and still not cover it all. I can't effectively convey how amazing God is, and the incredible ways he has changed me and my heart for his people.

How do you explain something to someone who hasn't seen the things you've seen, been moved by the things that have moved you, who looks at the world differently than you do? I want to share my experiences, my God, like I always have, but this time around, it seems so much harder to really make myself understood.

I don't even know where to start.

But, then again, it isn't really me that speaks anyway. My job is to share what God has done for me, encourage and invest in those around me, as effectively as I can. The rest of it is up to him.

I'm hoping that as the 'shock' part fades, so will my frustration. I'm grateful for my friends and roommates and their sweet patience with me. I really do have incredible things to share, if only I can find the words.