God has been doing some incredible things. He is teaching me about how to effectively love those around me, as well as put into action the heart that he grew in me in Europe. He has also been showing me just what a poor job I have done of loving some of the people that mean the most to me. Oh, and don't forget that sweet, healthy dose of patience that he is always adding in. Mercifully, of course, as patience is not my strongest quality.
Speaking of strong qualities, I have been humbled to see just how much havoc my own strength has wreaked in my life over the last two years. I have known it was there, but I did not realize the extent of control it had over my life until a few days ago. It is the sole reason I have failed so miserably at loving one dear friend in particular, something that God brought to my attention recently. (Though this friend probably has no idea, I have not only failed to love him well, but failed to love him at all.) This makes me sad and heartbroken, but also hopeful. Because though I am currently being left to sit in that sadness, I have a lover, a redeemer, a Savior who has made me new. Who has promised to change me, promised to love me. And promised to tear down my stubborn pride. Alleluia :)
He also keeps telling me wild and unbelievable things. Making promises, actually. And, whether those things actually come from the Lord or are some new clever tactic of Satan's (I'm not particularly sure at the moment) those things pass through the Lord's hands before they reach my ears. Thus, all I can do is sit at his feet and trust his sweet, wonderful, unchanging heart to guide me, and try not to get too caught up in the logistics. Some moments are easier than others.
I have bible study at my house every Wednesday night. A group of incredibly sweet women come over to my house and drink tea and talk about Jesus. It's my favorite night of the week. This semester, since it has been so purposefully put on my heart, we are looking at how to be a Godly woman. In singleness, in relationship, in day-to-day life. Last week, we talked about standards. The standards that we, as women, should set for men. And settling for nothing less.
One of the things on my list is that he must be a missionary, every day. What does that mean? Well, it plays into a lot of what I have been learning lately about loving the people around me well, and how to effectively do the ministry I've been called to when I am so incredibly busy all the time: look at the people God has already placed around you. Being an every-day missionary means loving well those people that God puts right in front of your nose. Seeing and seeking purpose and being intentional in every encounter, and having a heart for those that God puts in your path that day. Those encounters, however small, are never by any means accidental.
On a slightly related note, I have found setting my standards incredibly humbling. Because in doing that, in laying out the qualities and state of heart that God desires for me, I see how far short I fall. And I am inspired to love God better.
Oh, how incredibly good God is. :)
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