However you want to say it, it's still a box. Four walls. No escape. Confining. Constricting. Suffocating.
I put boxes on all kinds of things in my life. More than I know, more than I recognize. I put four walls around things that were designed to be big, bold and reckless. I was designed to be big and bold. My heart was created to love recklessly. My life was designed to be wild. My impact on the world was designed to be not just big, but BIG.
Because my God is big. And he calls all of us to differing but equally BIG things. That is often so hard for us to believe. I know it is for me. I am small. I am just another person in this big, wide world. Why would God do anything big through me?
Have you ever noticed that God doesn't do anything small? Because he's God. And he's in the business of souls. And when you're in the business of souls, even the tiniest thing makes the biggest difference. Because it's the very center of who we are, what we love, what we believe, and therefore what we do. There's nothing small about that. And because it is no longer we who live but Christ who lives in us, doesn't that mean that everything we do is big too?
But there's more to it I think. Because yes, everything we do is important. Eating, drinking, working. It all matters, according to 1 Corinthians 10:31. But it also says over and over and over again "be not afraid." And you know what that says to me? Not "don't ever go near the things that scare you, so you don't have to ever be afraid." No. It's saying "walk towards the things that scare you, not away. Walk into them and keep your eyes on me. And just watch how I show up."
This has laid heavily on my heart for a long time now. It used to make me drop everything I was doing and chase after every service project I could think of. I used to scour for opportunities to volunteer in ways I never had before. And then I would burn out. I'd get tired, and I would stop going, stop caring. But the thing is, Jesus was never the heart of that. He wasn't what I was after. I was after my to-do list, my own greatness. And, lo and behold, it always fell through. It was like grasping at straws.
So, over the last few weeks, as this has burned on my heart more than ever before, I was tempted to do the same thing. But God has just told me to wait, so I have. Even more than that, he has challenged me to take a break from the conventional things of Christianity. I haven't gone to church in months, I haven't gone to bible study, I haven't even cracked my Bible in a week. Instead, I spend every morning sitting on my back porch in silence, drinking coffee and just being with the Lord. Like having breakfast with an old friend, there is no agenda, no chapter to read, no verses to meditate on, no plan. Just me and Jesus, being friends.
This was not an accident. Because he has shown me that doing big things and being used in big ways doesn't come from my own actions. It's about seeking Jesus, and being obedient when he brings things across my path. It's about being still, and obeying in BIG ways when God brings them your way. The catch, for me anyway, comes in the waiting and trusting God to bring them your way.
And bring them my way he certainly did this week.
To make some very long stories short, this week I: found about $2,000 worth of drugs on campus and had to make a formal statement to the police. I watched a friend speak in tongues for the first time in her life. God used me to cast demons out of someone. (Yep, you read that right. Crazy, huh?) That incident occurred while I was supposed to be at work... Obviously, I did not show up. And I didn't even get in trouble. Amazing. And to top it all off, I met up with Bob Goff today.
Life is less about the should's and should not's and more about just loving. It has no agenda, no plan. Not really. God does, but we don't. Loving God and living life in a BIG way is more about seizing the opportunities that God places right in front of us and trusting him to come through. It's about leaning into the things that freak us out, because those are the things I think we were truly made for. Why else would they freak us out?
I understand almost nothing. I don't even know if this made any sense at all. All I know is that loving God means breaking out of the box. It means trusting him and his plan when he puts $2,000 worth of cocaine in your hand. When he chooses to use you to help catch a drug dealer. It means trusting him even though the casting out of demons really weirds you out and you aren't entirely sure what to do. It means skipping work and trusting that His timing is perfect, and that he is the great Provider. It means calling up someone you've never met to see if they'll have coffee with you, for no other reason than that the thought of it makes your heart beat faster.
None of that fits in the box. None of that is normal. And those are some of the moments I have seen God move the most. And I did not seek any of them out. God brought them to me, and I simply followed the sound of his voice. God calls us to big things. And because he's God, he will bring those big things to us. Right now. Right where we are, just as we are. Imperfect, in the day-to-day, in the unexpected. We don't have to necessarily chase them down. Because God's BIG things are all over the place and they all look different, and they are often unexpected and unconventional.
We just have to pay attention
and
"Be not afraid." (Isaiah 41:10, Deuteronomy 31:6, Jeremiah 1:8, Isaiah 54:4, and so many more...)
I put boxes on all kinds of things in my life. More than I know, more than I recognize. I put four walls around things that were designed to be big, bold and reckless. I was designed to be big and bold. My heart was created to love recklessly. My life was designed to be wild. My impact on the world was designed to be not just big, but BIG.
Because my God is big. And he calls all of us to differing but equally BIG things. That is often so hard for us to believe. I know it is for me. I am small. I am just another person in this big, wide world. Why would God do anything big through me?
Have you ever noticed that God doesn't do anything small? Because he's God. And he's in the business of souls. And when you're in the business of souls, even the tiniest thing makes the biggest difference. Because it's the very center of who we are, what we love, what we believe, and therefore what we do. There's nothing small about that. And because it is no longer we who live but Christ who lives in us, doesn't that mean that everything we do is big too?
But there's more to it I think. Because yes, everything we do is important. Eating, drinking, working. It all matters, according to 1 Corinthians 10:31. But it also says over and over and over again "be not afraid." And you know what that says to me? Not "don't ever go near the things that scare you, so you don't have to ever be afraid." No. It's saying "walk towards the things that scare you, not away. Walk into them and keep your eyes on me. And just watch how I show up."
This has laid heavily on my heart for a long time now. It used to make me drop everything I was doing and chase after every service project I could think of. I used to scour for opportunities to volunteer in ways I never had before. And then I would burn out. I'd get tired, and I would stop going, stop caring. But the thing is, Jesus was never the heart of that. He wasn't what I was after. I was after my to-do list, my own greatness. And, lo and behold, it always fell through. It was like grasping at straws.
So, over the last few weeks, as this has burned on my heart more than ever before, I was tempted to do the same thing. But God has just told me to wait, so I have. Even more than that, he has challenged me to take a break from the conventional things of Christianity. I haven't gone to church in months, I haven't gone to bible study, I haven't even cracked my Bible in a week. Instead, I spend every morning sitting on my back porch in silence, drinking coffee and just being with the Lord. Like having breakfast with an old friend, there is no agenda, no chapter to read, no verses to meditate on, no plan. Just me and Jesus, being friends.
This was not an accident. Because he has shown me that doing big things and being used in big ways doesn't come from my own actions. It's about seeking Jesus, and being obedient when he brings things across my path. It's about being still, and obeying in BIG ways when God brings them your way. The catch, for me anyway, comes in the waiting and trusting God to bring them your way.
And bring them my way he certainly did this week.
To make some very long stories short, this week I: found about $2,000 worth of drugs on campus and had to make a formal statement to the police. I watched a friend speak in tongues for the first time in her life. God used me to cast demons out of someone. (Yep, you read that right. Crazy, huh?) That incident occurred while I was supposed to be at work... Obviously, I did not show up. And I didn't even get in trouble. Amazing. And to top it all off, I met up with Bob Goff today.
Life is less about the should's and should not's and more about just loving. It has no agenda, no plan. Not really. God does, but we don't. Loving God and living life in a BIG way is more about seizing the opportunities that God places right in front of us and trusting him to come through. It's about leaning into the things that freak us out, because those are the things I think we were truly made for. Why else would they freak us out?
I understand almost nothing. I don't even know if this made any sense at all. All I know is that loving God means breaking out of the box. It means trusting him and his plan when he puts $2,000 worth of cocaine in your hand. When he chooses to use you to help catch a drug dealer. It means trusting him even though the casting out of demons really weirds you out and you aren't entirely sure what to do. It means skipping work and trusting that His timing is perfect, and that he is the great Provider. It means calling up someone you've never met to see if they'll have coffee with you, for no other reason than that the thought of it makes your heart beat faster.
None of that fits in the box. None of that is normal. And those are some of the moments I have seen God move the most. And I did not seek any of them out. God brought them to me, and I simply followed the sound of his voice. God calls us to big things. And because he's God, he will bring those big things to us. Right now. Right where we are, just as we are. Imperfect, in the day-to-day, in the unexpected. We don't have to necessarily chase them down. Because God's BIG things are all over the place and they all look different, and they are often unexpected and unconventional.
We just have to pay attention
and
"Be not afraid." (Isaiah 41:10, Deuteronomy 31:6, Jeremiah 1:8, Isaiah 54:4, and so many more...)
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