We all want to be loved.
It is the deepest desire of our hearts.
If you disagree with me, you haven't really thought about it.
It is understandable, then, why we find it so difficult to be patient in waiting for love here on earth. We may have God's love, but we find ourselves impatient, anxious and uncomfortable because we do not have a person to love. Because everyone else seems to have a significant other of some kind, and we find ourselves with no one.
This has always been true for me. I want so badly to love and be loved. And yes, I love and am loved by God, but there has always been a part of me that wants to be jealous of my friends who are in relationships. I am constantly tempted to compare myself to the people around me, to be jealous of their hearts, their goodness, the way they love Jesus. Because it all seems better than what I have, what I can do, what I have been given. And it is because I am not as good as they are that I am too inadequate to be loved.
I have always known that none of this is true. But Satan can be quite convincing, and he knows that pride is my weakness, and he uses both to tempt me into jealousy. And I usually take the bait.
But God is so good.
That knowledge that has always been rattling around in my brain? It finally connected with my heart. It finally changed the way I feel. It finally changed the way I look at the world. It finally changed the way that I look at God and the people around me, and the way that I live my life.
My heart finally, honestly, understands what it means to be content in Christ. Being in a relationship? It is absolutely a blessing. It is biblical and wonderful and an incredible gift from God. But it is hard. It, just like any other gift, is not given to people because they reached some kind of spiritual marker. It is given to them to be steward over because it brings God glory to do so.
And singleness? It is an incredible blessing too. And for the first time in my life, when surrounded by people who are so clearly in love, I am not jealous. I am wholeheartedly happy for them. I do not find myself wondering why God won't bless me like that.
Because he already has. That's just it.
I am grateful that I'm not being asked to love another sinful, imperfect person. Someday, I may be called to do so, and I'll thank God for that too, should it be part of his plan for my life. But if it isn't? If I am like Paul, and am called to singleness for the rest of my life? Well, I'd be grateful for that too.
Because now, for the first time in my life, I love being single. Because I get to love no one but God. I get to be the only imperfect one in the relationship. The only mistakes committed are mine. His love for me never changes. He never snaps at me or is too tired to spend time with me.
Being called to that level of vulnerability with another person? That's an incredible calling in life. But it is also terrifying and painful. And what I think we so often fail to really grasp is how much of a blessing it is to be free of that calling, at least for part of your life.
To really experience perfect love, and to understand what it means for that to be enough. What a gift! To really understand that singleness is a gift, because you're free to simply be in love with a perfect God. Because you're free to simply enjoy him without having to share it with another imperfect soul.
Like I said, we were made to be loved. It is not at all wrong to want earthly love, especially as women of Christ. We were made for it... But we are not defined by it. And we fail to grasp the gift it is to be called to spend our lives loving Jesus, and Jesus alone. We waste it, dreaming of the day we will get to wear that white dress. We miss the best part of loving Jesus, because we are spending all our time dreaming of loving some imperfect person.
So, tell me. Are you missing it?
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