Tongue of Fire

James has seriously been rocking my world. I do not even know where to begin. Talk about Scripture slapping you in the face... If you haven't read the book, you should. If you come out of it with the same view of faith, you need to go back and pay more attention.

So what's the revelation today? Well, there have been a few, since I've had a lot of down time these last few days. But I'll only subject you to one long, aimless ramble for today. How thoughtful, right? Sorry if it makes absolutely no sense. Consider this my disclaimer.

"The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.... It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison." James 3:5-6, 8

Did that slap you in the face? Because it certainly did me. I often describe myself as being without a filter. I say pretty much what comes to mind as soon as it crosses my mind. And often, people take my candor with good humor, so I convince myself that it is alright. In reading James, though, I am convicted.

Don't get me wrong. I do not believe that candor in itself is a bad thing. Open honesty is incredibly important, and I believe it is a gift of mine. However, it is in the heart which I sometimes joke that I have been painfully wrong. I can be incredibly mean.

Do I honor God in everything that I say? Not even close. If I am completely honest, it is more often than not that I poke fun at someone else because it makes me feel better. I am not building them up. I am trying to tear them down because they have something that I do not, be it courage, skill or knowledge of some kind. I tend to find my own worth threatened, so I lash out at them in an attempt to level the playing field.

Who do I think I am? How am I encouraging others to love Christ when I am constantly tearing them down? "For whatever is in your heart determines what you say." Matthew 12:34. Thus, when I say mean things, it is because they flow from a hard heart. There is an incredibly humbling truth in that: I tear down the people around me because, as Jeremiah 17:9 says, my heart is desperately wicked. Because I "want something but don't get it, so I kill and covet but I cannot have what I want." James 4:2. I am jealous of what others have, in the depths of my heart, so I tear them down in my attempt to take it from them.

I am convicted. Talk about being slapped in the face. It's tempting to wallow in my own self pity, to stop at that conviction and resign myself to be condemned for my sin. But God doesn't stop there. Because I am not condemned. "My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Hebrews 12:5

It hurts. It is uncomfortable. I do not enjoy it. But I do welcome it, because I am God's daughter and I am not the same.

And I am reminded of the simple truth that never fails to make my heart skip a beat:

I do wicked things. But I am not a wicked person. Because I am not defined by my sin. I am defined by Christ, because "It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me." Galatians 2:20.

Convicted? Yes. Loved? Incredibly so. Does my heart ache for the damage I've let my words do? Yes. But am I left alone in that, condemned to the hopeless misery of my failure? Not a chance. I am forgiven, changed and encouraged by the God who walks this narrow road right next to me.