Captivatingly Dangerous

Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge is one of those books that almost every Christian woman has read or will read at some point in her life. Everyone loves it. I read it a few years ago and loved it. So, when my group of girl friends started a Bible study looking at what it means to truly be women wholeheartedly in love with God, Captivating seemed a good choice. We had gone through Ruth and a few other assorted Bible passages, and when one of the girls suggested Captivating, it seemed logical.

So I read it again. But this time around I see it not as truth, but as thoroughly, captivatingly dangerous.

Don't get me wrong. The book makes some incredible points. I love that it encourages women to honestly look at our hearts, to cherish the things that make us distinctly feminine. There is incredible joy and grace in the mysteriousness of a woman's heart. We are purposefully different than men, and that is something that should be nourished, not squashed.

However, the book as a whole is dangerous if you aren't careful. Because not once does it encourage you to find your contentment in God. It reads almost like a chick-flick (not surprising, since almost every example is a movie quote of some kind.) It encourages women to look at and cherish their hearts, but not in a biblical way. Not in a way that drives them to know God as their lover.

It talks about women universally wanting to be an irreplaceable part of an adventure, wanting to be romanced, and wanting to have Beauty to unveil. But not once does the book drive the reader to the foot of the cross, where we are part of the greatest adventure there ever was, where we are romanced every second of every day in ways men will never be able to romance us, and where we are both beautiful and in the presence of the Creator of Beauty.

It encourages women to look at themselves to learn what God is like. It encourages them to look at movies and popular culture to determine the deepest desires of their hearts. But where is the encouragement to read scripture? That is where you will truly find God, where you will truly be filled and satisfied and content. Movies don't tell me who God is, or what he created me to desire. They tell me what the world says I should desire.

What bothers me most is the skewed portrait of God they present. In one simple statement, they say God is a god that needs us, is vulnerable to us, and yearns to be desired by us. (p. 29) Except, that's not true. He doesn't need us at all. He is surrounded by the Trinity, aka, he has community and perfect love in them. He is passionately and perfectly loved, all the time. He doesn't need my half-hearted attempts to love him. I satisfy nothing in him, because he is lacking in nothing. Does he want me to love him? Of course. He is the father in the story of the Prodigal Son. He rejoices abundantly when I turn to him. He mourns when I walk away... But he is lacking in nothing when I do.

I love what John and Stasi were trying to do in this book. Their hearts were so clearly in the right place. I think the intent was really good, and I think it is a great book and well worth reading. But my encouragement is the same as with anything else: don't just assume that anything other than scripture is truth. Read it critically, and be careful. 

Never the Same

A few months ago, a dear friend of mine gave me some of the best encouragement I've ever gotten. I don't  think he knew how much it encouraged me at the time. After a rather difficult conversation, he just looked across the table at me and after a minute said, "There is something different about you. Ever since you got back from Europe, there's been something different about you. I have no idea what it is... but I hope its contagious."

That moment humbles me every time I think about it. Because it isn't me. I didn't do it. I didn't change, God changed me.

God is changing me.

As sinful people, we are all works-in-progress. That's one of the things I love most about people... No one is ever still. The people I meet are never the same, one day to the next. There is always something growing, something moving, something changing. I am not the same today as I was yesterday, and neither is my roommate or my best friend or anybody.

The more I learn about my God and the more he draws me near, the more he softens my heart for his people. Which makes sense, since he created them and his heart and glory are exemplified in them. I love everything about it.

When we meet people, we often forget that we are seeing but a snapshot of who they really are. It doesn't matter how often you see them, you will never truly get the whole picture of them. Take my roommate Sam for example. I spend more time with her and know more about her than anyone. But the best I can say is that I have a long string of snapshots of her life, of her heart. At the end of the day, she still needs to fill me in on where she's at, what she's thinking and what God is doing in her life.

I love this. Because whether good or bad, you're never really seeing the whole person. We think we are, but we're wrong. People are constantly changing, moving and growing. Every day, every hour, every minute.

There is incredible grace in this. Because God is the only one who will ever understand us and know us, better even than we know ourselves. No matter how long the string of snapshots may be, no matter how good or bad they may appear, we still don't have the whole picture of the person. Especially when we can't see it, there is something about them that God loves. Passionately. Enough to die for. And they will not be the same person tomorrow as they are today.

I love people so much because I see so much God in them. Because he shows up in incredible ways, if you take a moment to pay attention to the people around you. They are never the same. 

Bachelorette Party

In case any of you didn't know, my best friend Gretchen is getting married. As her Maid of Honor, I've been collaborating with the other bridesmaids to throw her a bachelorette party last night. Many thanks to Kaylee, Claire, Abi and Molly for their help... I think everyone had a good time. I know I did. 

We went to dinner, made a craft (such a Gretchen thing to do,) played a few games, opened lingerie, prayed for Gretchen and Josh, and took a bunch of pictures. 

Other than the prayers, the pictures were by far my favorite part of the night.

I threw up a sheet on the back wall of her house and took pictures of each of the girls there, holding a chalkboard that says one of the reasons they love Gretchen. I loved getting to see all the reasons her friends love her... there are so many reasons to pick from. She really is an incredible person. 

I couldn't fit everything I wanted to say on the chalkboard. (I won't be able to fit it all in my speech, either...) so here's what I would have written if I could have. 

She has taught me most of what I know about being a woman fully and wholeheartedly in love with Jesus. She is incredibly patient with me, and is encouraging in absolutely everything that she does. She is intentional and consistent, and so beautifully confident in the love of Christ. She is honest, and will never pretend to be anything more than she is. She teaches me what it means to have Christ-like strength, and so gently reminds me when I am being too strong again. She genuinely loves everyone, and has the gift of joy unlike anyone I have ever met. The way she lives her life everyday both challenges and encourages me. She is an incredible woman, and incredible sister, and an incredible friend. 

Thanks for letting me share the moment with you, Gretchen. I am so thankful for you.