Why is that? Why is it so incredibly complicated? It was never meant to be.
Adam and Eve? In the presence of God, they never questioned their relationship. Because it was God that brought them together, not their own selfish desires. They didn't have to play this game of cat-and-mouse that we seem to be so fond of these days. There were no games, no questions, no doubts, no hurt. It was only when sin entered the world that the lines of their relationship began to blur.
Both men and women are to blame here. Both share some of the guilt.
Women are guilty of chasing after men. We are so desperate for a husband, this person that we believe we need in order to live a successful life, that we refuse to trust the Lord to bring him to us. We do not trust that God has it under control, so we take it upon ourselves to chase them down in any way that we can. We chase men before God, and then wonder why we get our hearts broken. We often hear the phrase "guard your hearts," but no one has ever taught us what that really means or how you do that. So we pursue them, and settle for the best we can find.
I am by no means letting us women off the hook. You'll hear more about that later. But based on the events of the last few weeks, I feel drawn to challenging my brothers in Christ with a few thoughts on their roles in this.
Some of the ways that we women are most vulnerable are in words, touch, quality time and gifts. Our hearts are often tied closely to these things, and we read into everything. Everything. Be careful here, men. I'll say it again.
Be careful.
Kind words, hugs, one-on-one time and thoughtful gifts are wonderful things. And friends certainly can exchange these things. But once you begin to pile two or three of these things on top of each other? Ah, then we have a problem. If you constantly say nice things, are constantly flirty, and are very touchy-feely? We are going to think you're pursuing us. And when it turns out that you're not pursuing us? That you treat every girl like that, and we really aren't special at all? It hurts, men. More than you know.
Often, you have no idea that you're doing it. I challenge you to be aware of the hearts of your sisters, and how your actions either harm or protect us. Because there is no in between. Every action either protects us and builds us up, or painfully tears us down.
Think about the way you treat your female friends on a daily basis.
- Would you still act the same if you knew that your actions could be leading us away from God?
- Would it change anything if you knew that carelessness in this matter often causes us a great deal of pain?
- What about the fact that that girl you so carelessly flirt with will, someday, be someone's wife?
Would that change the way you love us as sisters?
Do you chase us, say nice things to us, give us gifts or spend time with us because you're trying to get something from us? Whether it be approval or a relationship or something like that? Do you chase us because you think we are beautiful or fun?
Are you acting out of your own desires, or God's? The only time you should give a girl reason to believe you are pursuing her is because God told you to pursue her. Not because you want to, because you think she is pretty or fun.
I want you (both men and women) to think about your actions. We are both in the wrong here. Why do you do the things you do? Are you protecting or harming each other?
There is no in between.
Be careful.
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