Chopped

Over the last few weeks, God has torn up much of my life. I have been in a bad mood for longer than I can remember ever being before. Why? Because he has dug up every lie I have ever believed about who I am and what I am worth. Sound fun? Well, it's not.

It has been really wonderful too though. Because as God has brought me face to face with those lies, as he has brought me into them and made me sit in them and truly feel, know, and name them, he has shown me more of himself. And that is worth more than anything in the world.

One of the biggest lies that I hear is that I am not beautiful. There is a deep-seated, constant fear that I am not beautiful. That I am too this or not enough that to be seen as lovely or captivating by anyone. It is the lie that causes me to make myself the brunt of most of my own jokes. If not me, than to tear someone else down to make myself feel better. It is the lie that has often caused me to grasp at every reflection I pass, willing myself to be lovely. It is a lie that continues to control me subtly and undeniably.

But in the midst of facing the truth about what I often believe, God is teaching me about true beauty. That he is a beautiful God and thus has created everything as beautiful. And that it is not within human capability to make beauty any less than it is. These are not new concepts to me. But they are vital in learning to not only ignore the lies of the enemy, but annihilate them completely.

So, I have taken a step back from beauty. I have recognized my good, Godly longing for it. And my sin in trying to grasp at what has already been given to me. He is teaching me much about the freedom of beauty. The freedom that comes from knowing that it is not something that can be hidden inside long, beautiful curls, a perfect face, or a size 2. That it was not meant to be something to bind us. It was something freely given so that we may have peace in it, in our perfect likeness to the most beautiful God. So that we can bless others and teach them to see their own beauty. We were never meant to spend our lives striving for beauty.

So I did the only logical thing:

I cut off all my hair.

Sorry for the terrible photo. 

And the thing is, I don't care if you think it looks great or terrible or stupid or fantastic. I didn't do it because I was looking for beautiful. I did it because I already found it, and I'm tired of being deceived into striving for it. And God met me there just as he promised he would. 

Because I am learning that the truth in the beauty of the flowers in the field, the sunset, the mountains... All those things that you look at and can't help but wonder at the glory of God? They apply to me too. I am learning to see God's glory in my reflection, and not my own. I don't see all the ways I don't measure up to everyone else... I see the beloved daughter of God that I am. Beautiful because the God of the universe, the Creator of beauty itself, lives and breathes in me. It's true of you, too.

Do you believe it? 

Or, more importantly: Do you live your life like you believe it?

If not, I want to challenge you to take a look at where your definition of beauty comes from. And maybe do something crazy. Step out on a limb. Take a risk. I promise you two things: God will meet you there if you let him, and you'll be just as beautiful as ever.